Chinese Bathhouse Experience

So yesterday was definitely an interesting experience.  Michael and I decided to go to a Chinese bathhouse, which are known for massages, steam rooms, saunas and hot tubs.  Going in we knew it involved a lot of nudity, but really nothing could prepare us for what was to come.

After arriving in a taxi I took stock of where we were.  The outside of the bathhouse would not look out of place in Las Vegas.  It was very ornate, surrounded by incredibly nice cars and the driveways and walkways were all made of marble.  The interiors were equally posh:  Marble columns, thick carpets, gold guilding, art etc.  We walk into the building and are greeted by at least 6 Chinese workers who's sole job seems to be centered around welcoming those who enter the establishment.  We were directed into an anteroom where we take our shoes off and receive a numbered bracelet that is to be our account number for the day.  We pay 200 rmb (about $30) as an entrance fee which includes access to both the indoor and outdoor hot tubs, all the steam rooms and saunas, the showers, a room to rest in (more on that later) and a gigantic buffet.

After removing our shoes, we are brought into a locker room area.  Our bracelets have what must be some sort of RFID chip in them that opens a locker.  This is where the fun begins.  We are directed to disrobe.  Michael and I are the only two people in the room aside from two attendants and we are both hesitant to begin this process.  But...  We knew this was coming and after a couple jokes, and a few half-hearted laugh we take the plunge.  Nude.  Our friendship went to an entirely different level at this point.

So now, naked save for sandals, we walk into the heart of the bathhouse.  Let me tell you...  Chinese people are not squemish like Westerners about nudity.  There were penises EVERYWHERE.  The entire 4 hours we were there, we saw only 3 other western people out of hundreds, so everywhere we walked our junk was getting eyed in a "lets see what the white people are packing" sense.  It was very disconcerting.  We jumped in a large hot tub, about the size of a small pool really, with about 10 other guys and take stock of our situation.  We are naked, and worse than that, we stick out like a sore thumb!  Time for a beer.

We exit that pool and go to an outdoor one with about 8 people in it.  Again, we are the only Western people there...  Within 5 minutes the place has cleared out.  Guess we showed them up with our... hmm... size.

After this we head to the massage area.  Thankfully we are given a nice set of slippers and some comfy pajamas to wear for modesty.  I choose a traditional Thai massage.  It was 268 rmb (about... $45 US) for 45 minutes.  Let me tell you, it was amazing.  Nothing untoward occurred, I promise, but it just felt fantastic.  It was slightly awkward because the masseuse spoke no English, and I speak no Chinese and so the entire 45 minutes was spent in silence.  I didn't know whether I should open my eyes, close my eyes, look at the masseuse, stare in the other direction... It was strange, but it was amazing.

After the massage we hit up the buffet that had all sorts of Chinese dishes, as well as french fries and "american fried root" which was really just fried chicken.  Its a shame that cameras weren't allowed because the English signs in this place were hilarious.  We stuff our faces and decide to check out what the resting room was about. 

This room is filled with plush chaise lounges and pillows.  Each lounge has its own TV to watch, and the attendants in this room bring you comfortable down blankets to cover up in.  People use this room to take naps, get a foot massage, watch tv or just relax.  I could have spent hours here, but it was getting semi-late and if I stayed too long I would fall asleep.

After another dip in the hot tub, we hit up a turkish sauna.  The turkish sauna is just basically an incredibly hot steam room.  When you first enter you feel like you can't breath.  I kind of like it though, it was quite refreshing.  After this we head home.

I definitely feel I will go back, they have a hot tub full of fish that bite any dead skin off of you I want to try.  That tub was extra though and I didn't feel like paying for that at the time.  All in all, it was a truly Eastern experience.  These types of places would not thrive in American society like they do here, but they are a great way to relax.